Archive for May, 2011


  • My friend was in a serious car crash and now has temporary steel pins in both his legs and his jaw. He needs to write everything down to communicate. when I asked him how he was feeling he wrote “great! because I am …” Then he beckoned for his guitar and proceeded to play Iron Man by Black Sabbath. His alternate way of communication MMW.
  • Don’t ever leave the access panel off the entrance to the attic crawl space. You will get a terrified squirrel in your room, and it won’t know how to get out. #LFMF
  • I work at a gas station, early morning shifts, and there is this lady who had the softest looking scarf who comes in that I always compliment. Well, today is my birthday and I had to work the early shift. When I went to clock in, a bag was waiting for me with a tag that read “A customer left this for you” Inside was the scarf I always admired and a matching pair of gloves! Her act of kindness since she couldn’t know it was my birthday really MMD
  • Never teach your father how to find pirated TV episodes on the computer. You will never get to use it again and your entire hard drive will be filled with every SciFi ever made. #LFMF
  • My cousin and his wife were told about four years that they would never be able to have children of their own, so they started the process of adoption. Nothing ever worked out, and they began getting depressed. Today, they found out that my cousin’s wife if having twins! It not only made their day (and probably life,) but it also made my entire family’s day!
  • After 32 years and 4 aborted attempts, tomorrow my dream becomes a reality. As a 43 yo, I finally get braces. To know that I won’t be ashamed of my smile anymore TOTALLY MML
  • Just because your cat is sleeping on its back doesn’t mean it wants its belly rubbed, and it WILL use those sharp teeth and claws to tell you about the sore on its belly. #LFMF
  • The power cord for my laptop recently broke and I needed to get in touch with HP to see how much getting a new one would cost. After several minutes of not getting anywhere with there automated system, I let out a frustrated scream and the automated system responded with “One moment while I transfer you to an attendant.” Finding that the automated system was programmed to respond to moments of frustration MMD.
  • Good idea: singing in the car.
    Bad idea: singing in the car after dental work.
    Sure it sounds hilarious but later you will painfully realize you were also biting your tongue. #LFMF
  • I was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 months ago. I’ve had surgery, and I start chemo next week. I just found out tonight a good friend is running in a breast cancer half marathon this weekend for me. That shes doing it for me and that could help other people in my situation MMD!!
  • Sticks and stones may break your bones, but your new iPhone breaks when you sit on it. #LFMF
  • During my high school years I suffered through a lot of abuse at home. One day it was particularly bad, and I went into the bathroom to cry, only to be surrounded a moment later by half the girls in my graduating class. They hugged me, told me everything would bet better, and it utterly MM high school years.
  • To you, checking your hair in a car window while in a hurry seems smart. To the car’s owner, it looks like you’re planning to rob it. #LFMF


Post Secret XIV

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Fat Life…. An other great post from Rosie

Pagan Humor XXXIV



I wear a pink burqa, and am used to getting stares. One day, though, a young girl tugged on her mom, pointed at me, and said, “Look mommy, it’s a princess!” and couldn’t stop smiling at me. IMMLife.

This year has been a struggle for me, trying to find a new place to live, coping with severe depression and a lack of funds. Today I went out to take the bins and found a large box with my name on it. Inside was a huge amount of food, gloves, scarves – you name it. So to the mystery someone who left it there IMMD and my whole year! I felt like someone cares!

My five-year-old is the smallest girl in her kindergarten class, and on the first day she came home feeling sad about being smallest. Being half Irish, I told her ,”It’s your fairy blood – the more you have in you, the smaller you are!” Not only is she proud of her tiny-ness, but now all the kids in kindergarten at her school have compared how much fairy blood they have too – she’s made it a meme! IMMD, and her year!

A few days ago, my Dad and I set up our Christmas tree in the living room. We have a make-shift tree holder, which we put books underneath to make sure the tree wont fall over. Mom walks in and asks “Why there are books under the tree?”, without skipping a beat, my Dad replies, “It’s the tree of knowledge!” We were laughing so hard! IMMD Merry Christmas!

This morning I had to go into work during a pretty heavy snowstorm. On the drive back home my car did a 180 on an on-ramp to a four-lane highway. As I spent a white-knuckle fifteen seconds freaking out, the car driving 100 feet behind me slowed to a crawl and put on its hazard lights. It successfully stopped the lane of traffic formed behind it until I could get pointed in the right direction and back on the road. Kind drivers MMD!

The ice maker in the freezer has been acting up and won’t make ice decently. I went to the store and bought a bag of ice to make up for what we need, and when I went to put the bag in the freezer, I looked at the maker and held up the bag and said “Hey you, do you see this?!” The ice maker responded by dropping ice into the container. The reaction the bag of ice got TMM(and my family’s)D!

A few years ago, my great-grandpa was diagnosed with Celiac’s disease. His favorite dessert was panettone, so he was sad because he couldn’t ever have it again. For Christmas, I found a gluten-free bakery’s website that sold panettone, and I ordered some for him. When I called him after Christmas, he said he was overjoyed and that it was “damn good.” IMMD


Post Secret XIII

The statistical rate of SIDS means it can happen once every 20 years in each family tree. Any higher rate then that and its suspicious.


My mother-in-law lost 2 baby boys to SIDS and her youngest son has serious learning problems. I think she tried to kill him too because she only wanted baby girls. I want to go to the cops but I’m scared it would hurt my wife to much.

It’s been 15 years and I’m still in love with my high school sweetheart… We’ll celebrate 8 years of marriage in September.

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Goals for Walking

Walk To Fight Arthritis 2011
Team: Squeaky Hips
Goal: $15 per person
Mission: Walk 5 KM on or before May 15 and get donations for the Arthritis Society

Distance from Home to Niagra Falls, Ontario

Pagan Humor XXXIII

Signs That You May Be A Military Pagan

Your magickal tools are all listed in Jane’s.

You use a flame-thrower to light the altar candles.

Your athame has a bayonet attachment to fit on your M-16.

Your robe is made of camouflage material.

Your cakes & wine come from MRE’s.

Your book of shadows contains plans on defusing bombs, poison antidotes and basic survival techniques.

Your circle is marked by barb-wire.

Your military command starts off Okay Witches. I want you to cast a circle of protection around us. We’re going in!

You have to ride an ATV or HumVee to get to the Covenstead.

You use an artillery shell casing for your God symbol.

You take down a tent to move the Covenstead.

Your familiar is either a Doberman, Rotweiller or German Shepherd.

You use a hubcap for a scrying dish.

You use teargas to smudge when doing banishings.

Your goddess symbol is Tank Girl.

First degree training includes Ninjitsu or other forms of martial arts.

Your magickal name is Spike, Slash, Ripcord, Hawkeye, Bubba, or anything that ends with ‘ster’.

You use machine gun fire to cast your circle.

Instead of using an acorn or pine cone, you use a hand grenade for a God symbol (if there isn’t an artillery shell available).

You use a compass for a divination tool.

You use a bullet on a string for a pendulum.

You call your High Priest “Commander”, and your High Priestess “General”.

Instead of “So mote it be”, you say “Ma’am! Yes, Ma’am!”

You post sentries at the four quarters.

The Guardian of the four Quarters are armed with Barrett M82A1.50 caliber machine guns.

A certain nameless ex-Congressman from Georgia attacked your religious rights.


Post Secret XII


That’s Why I have Cats…Lots of cats.

I told my mom my secret 12 years ago, and she never spoke to me again. She died last year. Now I celebrate “those who survived in spite of their mothers” day.


My mom is catholic, so I know she’s not dealing with it herself and my dad has 3 health problems that cam cause E.D….Poor Mom.

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Classic For Better or For Worse I

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