Archive for February, 2011

Pagan Humor XXVIII


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Top Hat Bar

Kings RCMP are looking for people who may have seen an assault just after 1 a.m. Feb. 19 in Greenwood. A man in his 20’s was sent to hospital in Halifax for injuries sustained in a fight outside the Top Hat bar. Kingston RCMP or CrimeStoppers would appreciate a phone call.

The victim, an employee of Michelin in Waterville (Berwick), succumbed to his injures early Thursday morning in hospital.

Back To The Future Project

I love this. The concept of recapturing the past as accurately as possible and still showing the inevitable passage of time all in one, to me is beautiful.

BACK TO THE FUTURE : Irina Werning – Photographer.

IMMD & LFMF XXVI

*Me: “How did you manage figuring out how to join Matt’s event on Facebook?”
Dad: “I don’t know how I responded because I tried and could not figure it out. I clicked on party’s and before I could get out of there I think I signed up for a kegger party, some gay guys dog baptism, and some fat chick with a full beard is coming to pick me up at 9:30 tomorrow night on a moped. I am never going on facebook again.”

*A friend introduced me to a woman and said, “This is Richard. He just got into the nursing program.” She looked at me and scoffed, “a MALE nurse?!” But I had a great comeback ready. Without missing a beat I said, “I applied to be a female nurse, but I didn’t pass the physical.” Everybody but her laughed. IMMD

*You are not Supermom. You cannot nurse the baby, comfort the sick child and cook dinner at the same time. The resulting fire is hard to explain. #LFMF

*I recently moved into a new place that happens to be down the street from one of my favorite bars. I went to meet one of my closest friends (who had been going through cancer treatments) and bragged that I’m now only an 8-minute walk away. Her reply of “that’s great! I’m cancer-free!” was the greatest one-up ever, and totally MMD!

*Do not read zombie books at bedtime, because half-asleep little girls who come looking for a hug after a bad dream can look a lot like a zombie to their half-awake mother. It was bad for both of us. #LFMF

*I was at the grocery store today and I saw a little girl being pulled through the the store by a man. It didn’t look right, so I asked if she knew the man. She said no! He pushed me down and started pulling her even faster. I started screaming, “don’t let him get away that’s not his daughter! He’s kidnapping her!” He dropped her hand and started running. The manager called her parents up the front of the store and they paid for my groceries! IMMD

*I accidently listened to Justin Bieber. #LFMF

*today was my brithday. it was a pretty crummy day all day, until when i finally got back home from work. i went into the kitchen where a box of pizza sat. on the box there was a phone number and an arrow pointing to my entertainment center. there, sitting on the dvd player was a box set of the old TNMT cartoon series with a note that said to let my inner kid out… signed by my dad who i havent spoken to in 10 years. we finally made up over ninja turtles and cold pizza.

*DO NOT marry a selfish man, thinking he will “learn to share” — he won’t. #LFMF

The Full Moon

Local {Police Cruiser} News VIII

  • February 7 at 5:36 p.m. Police were called to Springfield after a firearm was pointed at an individual. The weapon was an imitation firearm.
  • February 7 at 10:01 p.m. A complaint of theft under $5,000 was reported in Granville Ferry. The matter remains under investigation.
  • February 8 at 12:46 p.m. Police were called to a traffic accident in Brickton after a vehicle went off the road and into the ditch.
  • February 8 at 1:10 p.m. Police were called to another traffic accident, while on the scene at the one in Brickton.
  • February 8 at 3 p.m. Police were called to a traffic accident on the 101 Highway near Paradise after a vehicle slid off the road.
  • February 8 at 7:57 p.m. Police were called to a traffic accident near Bridgetown on the 101 Highway.
  • February 9 at 6:32 a.m. Police received a report of an abandoned vehicle impeding the snowplough on Highway 10. The vehicle was towed.
  • February 11 at 11:48 p.m. Police received a report of a break and enter in Bridgetown after the caller saw suspicious footprints in the snow and what appeared to be a broken window at the fire hall. The matter was determined to be unfounded.

Crimes, or information on crimes, can be reported to the Annapolis RCMP at 825-2000 in Middleton, or 665-4481 in Bridgetown. Information on crimes can also be reported to Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-8477.

A plea for Help

Windsor can have hockey, Halifax can have RBC and our nation’s first newspaper, but Annapolis Royal wants crowing rights on having Canada’s first fire department.

According to HRM’s line of thinking, the Union Fire Club was first formed in Halifax during 1754, making it the first organized fire department in Canada and among the oldest in North America. Annapolis Royal Fire Chief Rick Smith begs to differ, it’s just he can’t prove it.

Yet.

Smith’s hoping the community can give his department the ultimate anniversary gift; proof that they’ve gotten the department’s inception date all wrong. The Annapolis Royal Fire Department is being modest this year by celebrating its 200th year, an anniversary based on the earliest documented references to a Fire Company here in 1811.

 

Full Story here: http://www.annapoliscountyspectator.ca/News/2011-02-15/article-2242437/Annapolis-Royal%26rsquo%3Bs-fire-department-likely-the-first/1

Pagan Humor XXVII

A Short guide to comparative Religions

(Remember this is suppose to be funny, so please if you can’t giggle just a little at your own religious views, this joke may not be for you. “Viewer discretion if strongly advised”)

ATHEISM:                          No sh!t
BUDDHISM:                       “If sh!t happens, it really isn’t sh!t.”
CALVINISM:                      Sh!t happens because you don’t work hard enough.
CATHOLICISM:                 Sh!t happens because you are BAD.
CEREMONIAL MAGIC:     I Can make sh!t Happen.
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE:      Sh!t is only in your mind.
CONFUCIANISM:              Confucius say: “sh!t happens.”
EXISTENSIALISM:            What is this sh!t anyway?
FUNDAMENTALISM:        BIG sh!t will happen… SOON!
HARE KRISHNA:               Sh!t happens Rama Rama.
HEDONISM:                      There’s nothing like good sh!t happening.
HINDUISM:                       This sh!t happened before.
ISLAM:                              “If sh!t happens, it is the will of Allah.”
JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES:  Let us save you from the sh!t.
JUDAISM:                          Why does sh!t always happen to US?
MOONIES:                          Only happy sh!t really happens.
MORMONISM:                   If sh!t happens, you have two wives to blame it on.
NEW AGE:                         Visualize no sh!t happening.
PAGANISM:                       Sh!t is a part of the Goddess too!
PROTESTANTISM:            Sh!t won’t happen if I work harder.
QUAKERS:                        “No sh!t here, please.”
RASTAFARIANISM:          Let’s smoke some sh!t.
SCIENTOLOGY:                Feces Occurs.
STOICISM:                        Sh!t is good for me.
SEVENTH DAY ADVENTISTS:    No sh!t on Saturdays.
TAOISM:                           Sh!t happens.
TELEVANGELISM:           Send money or sh!t will happen to you!
WICCANISM:                   “Oh sh!t, I got that spell wrong again.”
ZEN:                                  What is the sound of sh!t happening?
ZOROASTRIANISM:         Sh!t happens half the time.

Valentine’s Blurb

*When we got into math class our teacher gave us graphing calculators, and told us we were going to try something new. He told us what equations to input, and what to put as the window settings. We entered the information, expecting the calculator to graph a line or two as usual. There was a gasp of surprise and then laughter as the calculators instead drew a perfect heart, and then shaded it in. It was a late valentine’s day greeting form our math teacher!

*If your boyfriend (who you’re completely crazy about) says something sweet (and a little cheesy) to you, don’t ask him if he’s quoting song lyrics. It will piss him off and he might just change his mind about that proposal he was about to make…#LFMF

Post Secret III

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