Archive for January, 2013

Speak Up, Speak Out, Shout The Truth!

Post Secret CXVIII

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Post Secret CXVII

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Pagan Humor LXXV

Tips Cult Members Who Insist on Believe Stereotypes

  • Pick one faith and stay with it. Being a dabbler or “connoisseur” is the mark of an amateur.
  • Familiarize yourself with the specifications for a sacrificial victim. Ensure that unacceptable substitutes are not used in the ceremony. Remember the penalty for not-to-specs work is death and/or mutilation. Maybe you should consider working for a more fault-tolerant deity.
  • Avoid needless embarrassment. Practice the correct pronunciation of your deity’s name in the privacy of your own room before chanting it in public.
  • Flash cards are often helpful.
  • Before agreeing to impregnation by a supernatural being, investigate the survival rate of the other women who have undergone the procedure.
  • Never invoke anything bigger than your head.
  • Eschew deities whose followers are all young; such faith groups usually employ an unpleasant retirement procedure.
  • Avoid all jewelry over ten pounds in weight — it attracts unwelcome attention from tourists, policemen, various supernatural creatures, and can be downright dangerous during thunderstorms. Its jingling also tends to warn the hero of your approach.
  • Citronella candles may NOT be used in rituals. I cannot stress this enough.
  • Pastel colored candles in the shape of cute animals are like direct sunlight to the Powers of Darkness.
  • If the spirit contacted during a seance begins offering financial advice, you’re dealing with a con artist, or the Crowned Prince Of Nigeria, I’m sure it’s okay to give your credit card to the latter.
  • Always keep your kit with you: candles, chalk, incense, silver knife, Thuggee cord, service revolver, garlic, and cab fare.
  • Fluorescent lighting is very annoying to most nether-worldly creatures.
  • When the Black Mass goes awry, stay away from the Evil Priest. Enraged Demons always go for the pompous guys first.
  • When a religious artifact begins emitting light, close your eyes. Thousands of cult members could be saved every year if they followed this simple safety tip.
  • When mutilating cattle, avoid the ones with testicles… Oh and don’t wear your special blood red robe either.
  • During ritual sacrificing, taking bits home for later is now generally considered “bad form.”
  • Contrary to historical belief, drugs and invocations do not mix. When The ritual goes awry, it is vitally necessary to be able to discern between which gibbering monstrosity to pump full of silver bullets and the gibbering monstrosity that will fade away after a few hours, some B complex, and a good hot bath.
  • Piety and belief are powerful things, and few evil forces can stand against one who is true to his faith/god/goddess/etc. However, it is also true safety tends to side with the heaviest artillery, so be prepared to change sides at the drop of a hat.
  • For those situations where a fresh, living, sacrifice is not available,  the lower ranks of demons can be fooled by microwaving a previously frozen chunk of ex-victim and cleverly jiggling it. However, a mock victim sculpted from Spam is unacceptable.
  • Instead of picking human victims who are young, virginal and innocent (and tend to turn out to be the Hero’s girlfriend), see if you can substitute mass murderers, lawyers, and other people who won’t be missed.

Post Secret CXVI

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Post Secret CXV

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Post Secret CXIV

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Book Club Month #11

This is month eleven of Moygo’s Book of The Month and this month’s book is: Animal Farm – George Orwell

Feb- The Scarlet Letter – Nathaniel Hawthorne

Moon Phases January