Archive for April, 2010

IMMD and LFMF Part II

*I was digging in my shoulder bag at work looking for a pen and found a
tiny musket from one of the kids I use babysit. So I mounted it on my
cubical wall with push pins. No less than 5 coworkers walked by, picked
it up and pretended to shoot it. IMMD

*As I was working out at the gym, the guy next to me kept counting off
his reps using the voice of The Count from Sesame Street. "One lateral
raise! Ah-ah-ah! Two lateral raises! Ah-ah-ah!" IMMD!

*Cleaning a switched-on electical outlet of dubious safety is an excellent way to test your pacemaker. #LFMF

*Spell check does NOT catch the missing ‘r’ when you email your wife that "I spent the day under the car with a greasy wench." #LFMF

*Today, on my way home from school, we passed by a construction site. I
looked up from my homework just in time to see one of the workers swing
from a crane hook, land, and throw his arms up like he was a gymnast.
IMMD.

*A local homeless guy had a sign that said, "My pet goldfish, Lola, has
been kidnapped by aliens. Need ransom money by 3:00." IMMD


THIS ONE IS NOT A JOKE!!!

Just because an unexplained pain "feels a little better" does not mean
you can leave the Emergency Room. If it was bad enough to bring you
there, it’s bad enough to be your appendix exploding. #LFMF


Okay back to the funnies:

*When sharing a beach house with friends for vacation, be sure to turn
off the baby monitor’s transmitter in your room when you retire for
‘relations’. Especially when the receiver is in the living room where
everyone else is playing drinking games… #LFMF

*I was babysitting last week, and one of the kids asked the other one what “emo” meant. She said, “I think it means stupid.” IMMD.

*No matter how well you think you know your own bathroom, always pee with the lights on. Memory alone can’t tell you whether the cover is up or down. #LFMF

*When doing electrical work and accidentally dropping a screw down your sleeve, remember to tell your co-worker before trying to wriggle it out. He may think you’re getting an electrical shock and break your both legs with a 2 by 4 when trying to get you loose from the wiring. #LFMF

*Today, I heard that if you put earphones in your nose, the sound comes out of your mouth. Applying the same principle, I put my earphones in my trombone. It was LOUD! I’m never using speakers again! IMMD

*While sitting in incredibly heavy traffic on the way to work, I saw a man in a beat up truck blowing bubbles out the window. IMMD.

*Make sure your wife doesn’t put 100 gallons of gas into a DIESEL motorhome. #LFMF

Live Chat

I will be participating in a live chat via Yahoo Messenger {You can get your copy of the program (Free) here: http://messenger.yahoo.com or use their on line version or the one located at the bottom of this web page.} May 5th at 4:45-5:45 pm (roughly). The chat will cover topics such as:

“Does size matter?” (Candle size that is)
“Is a wand necessary?”
“Can one be both Christian and pagan?”
“What one thing would most pagans want the world to know about them?” and much more.

Please register no later then May 3rd. Simply email me at Modestly_mystically_magically_me@yahoo.com and give me your Yahoo user name, so I can add you to the list of invitees. Also, if you are interested in a specific topic, don’t hesitate to email me and let me know so I can add it to the list of topics to cover this time around.

Hope to see you there!

Pagan Humor VII

Q:  Why did the Wiccan novitiate give up pork?
A:  She thought the Rede said, "Chew what you will, but ham?--none."
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How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb???
None -- if a candle was good enough for Gramma it's good enough for me!
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Q: What do you call a dating club for unattached Wiccans?
A: Craft singles!
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Did you hear that Kraft was so offended by that last joke that they moved their macaroni plants to Israel?
Yeah, now they're called Cheeses of Nazareth!
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Bumper Stickers:
-Get a taste for religion, Lick a Witch!
-Heck is a place for people who don't believe in Gosh.
-"I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures "
-"I have the body of a god: Buddha"
-"Jesus saves! By using double coupons & shopping wisely"
-Ankh if you love Isis!!
-That was Zen; this is Tao

Pagan Humor VI

How many pagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
3- 1 to hold the ladder; 1 to hold the bulb and 1 to rotate the temple. 

How does a pagan tell someone off?
Merry met, merry part, merry NEVER meet again.

Riddle- How many lines does a pentacle have?
(See the answer at the very bottom of today’s post)

Why should pagans feel no guilt regarding flatulence?
We worship the wind, after all.

Two pagans walk into a bar. They sit down at the bar and the bartender says:
“Bit warm out there today.”
“Not at all.” Says the first pagan “In-fact I found it a bit nippy today.”
“Yes, dear” says the second “But remember, not everyone dresses sky-clad.”

Answer: 1 line.

Moon Phases April