Archive for March, 2010

PROTECT YOUR S.I.N. CARD INFO

Yesterday my friend and I were doing our income tax and as we were about to place the return address stamp/sticker that the government includes with all packages they send out, we realised that each and every sticker has (not once but twice) written on them, your Social Insurance Number!!! So if you use those self addressed stickers on you income tax returns, not only is your home address printed right there in the open for all to see, but so is your most valuable personal piece of info.
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IMMD & LFMF Part I

  • My friend’s son fell asleep in the car on the way home so his parents carried him in. The next day, the 7 yr. old son got his first loose tooth. He accused his parents of dropping him when bringing him into the house. IMMD
  • Today I walked into the bathroom to find my 4yr old teaching my 2yr old how to use the potty. Less work for me and IMMD!
  • I was evicted last night and had to sleep in the park. When I woke up there were 8 cats asleep on me. IMMD 
  • My 5 y.o. son and I were watching the guys on Mythbusters disassemble a car into it’s various atoms using explosives, when my son turns to me and says “Dad, do you think we could buy a car, blow it up in the back yard, and clean it up before mom gets home?” IMMD
  • Today, my dad and I spent 15 minutes trying to figure out how the free toy from a cereal box works. IMMD.
  • The other day I realized it had become very quiet in my living room and found my four year old daughter huddled under a blanket with a few stuffed animals. When I asked her what she was doing she said “Planning a zombie attack. I’ve got your back.” IMMD
  • My 4 year old daughter told me she learned a new magic trick and when I asked her to show me, she yelled “What is that!?” and pointed behind me. I, of course, turned around… and when I looked back her mouth was full and my oreos were gone. IMMD
  • Today while I was shopping I saw a women in her mid 40’s push her shopping cart really fast and then hop on it making race car noises! IMMD!
  • Today, I slit my finger at work, and when I opened the first aid kit for a band-aid, someone had replaced them all with superhero ones. I picked Batman. IMMD.
  • My wife was opening a present from my parents, and my five year old daughter thought it was hers. My mom told her she could have it if she knew what it was. My wife opened it up, and my daughter said: "It’s a GPS!" It was. IMMD.
  • Today my 5 year old daughter told me that she would be leaving me to find a husband, “but if he doesn’t make me laugh I’ll break up with him” She blew my mind and IMMD
  • Today I lost power, but it came back on at exactly 12:00 so I didn’t have to reset any of my clocks and IMMD!
  • When picking up my brother from Rugby my brothers friends dad commented that the two small boys were ‘not dirty enough to have just played proper rugby’ to which his son then ran and skidded into a dirty puddle before asking ‘is that good enough?’ IMMD
  • Today I was saying how I hate the fact that my hand won’t fit in the Pringles tube and that they should really do something about it. So my niece’s husband (who works for Pringles) tells me that they’re working on that right now. IMMD
  • I blew a smoke ring and my friends 3-year-old saw and said "blow me a triangle!!" IMMD
  • While at a haunted house, I made some of the employee vampires break character and laugh by thanking them for not “sparkling”. IMMD
  • I played the game of life with my 11 year old daughter the other day. When she landed on the “Get Married” space she put her husband in the back seat of her little car and I said to her “Your husband is supposed to be by your side, marriage is an equal partnership” and she responded “Not when I get married it won’t be. My husband is sitting in the back seat and shutting up” IMMD
  • Once while coming inside from gym class, a guy rode piggyback on another guy’s back yelling “Go Yoshi, go!” IMMD.
  • I saw my cat watch patiently as a big beetle ate a little beetle. When it was finished, my cat ate the big beetle. IMMD.
  • I wore my glasses to work for the first time recently. My coworkers were making lame jokes about how I looked like clark kent. 5 minutes later I started laughing really hard when I remembered I was wearing superman boxers. IMMD
  • Today, I found that my dog had spent the entire night defending my escaped hamster from the two cats who want to eat him. I like to think that they are an adventure team now. IMMD.
  • Told my 13-yr-old daughter that she could swear as much as she wanted for one afternoon to get it out of her system. She said “F#^@ f#^@ f#^@ f#^@ f#^@ f#^@ can I call Grandma?”
  • Today a ‘tricked out’ convertible drove by me. I could hear the bass line of the music from a street away and braced myself for the inevitable blast of Rap music. The driver was playing Mozart at max volume. IMMD.
  • Yesterday I was playing Call of Duty, and my dad (who served in the first Gulf War) says gimme that, I can do that. He died immediately. He said the game was broken. But then he died again. IMMD.
  • My best friend’s pet rat passed away and he buried him in a custom-made coffin: a hollowed-out block of cheddar. IMMD.

Pagan Humor V

A skeptic goes into a fortune teller, "You are the father of two children" She tells him.
"Ha! that’s what you think! I am the father of three children."

"No, that’s what you think." She replies.


Three Wiccan priestesses are on a hiking trip when they reach a river.
The eldest priestess doesn’t even pause, but confidently walks across the river.

The second priestess, a bit younger, looks at the river and thinks,
"If she can do it, I can do it," and walks across.

The third and youngest of the three looks at the river and thinks,
"If they can do it, I can do it," and promptly falls into the river.

As she paddles to the other side, the second priestess says to the
first, "You think we shoulda told her about the stepping stones?"

The first priestess says, "What stepping stones?"


What is a California Cauldron? — Four Pagans in a Hot tub


March Moon Phases

Pagan Humor IV

Q. What do you say to an angry witch?
A. Ribbit.

Q. What’s the best thing about Pagan friends?
A. They worship the ground you walk on.

Q. How can you tell a blond Pagan closed the circle?
A. There’s white out on the floor.

Q. Why do witches ride brooms?
A. Because nature abhors a vacuum.

Q. What do you call 13 witches in a hot tub?
A. A self cleaning coven.

Q. What happens when a Ceremonial Magician gets angry?
A. He goes Qua-ballistic.

Q. What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid?
A. Someone who worships the tree that isn’t there.

Q. If a Witch practises on the beach, is she a sand witch (sandwich)?