Archive for July, 2012

Pagan Humor LXXVI

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Don Quijote 7

So now that Don Quijote has seen Dulcinea he beleives she is under a spell because she is not beautiful. However, a wizard tells him that the cure to this curse or ugliness is through Sancho who must whip his behind “bared to the passing breeze” 3,300 times to undo the magic. Sancho queries, “What the hell has my ass got to do with magic?”

Sancho quite clearly states that he is not going to flagellate his buttocks for Dulcinea. Don Quijote, says Sancho better or Don Quijote will whip him himself and he’ll double the number. This wizard explains that this must be a voluntary sacrifice or it won’t work, though if Sancho tires of whipping himself after the first 1,650, he can ask for someone else to help. Also, there is no expiration date on this offer — the squire may take his time meeting the quota. In spite of these generous terms, Sancho says no to being a sacrificial lamb.

Post Secret C (100!)

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Why Does It Matter That They Are A Witch? 2

SALEM — The family of a 19-year-old Danvers man who was killed in a car crash last month will be on Essex Street this weekend handing out material from Mothers Against Drunk Driving.

“I have permission to use their logo and to hand out their items,” said Marilyn Rubner of Billerica, the aunt of Dillon Renard, who died June 16 in an early morning accident on Boston Street. “It’s not a demonstration. It’s just bringing awareness to the city.”
The 25-year-old driver in the fatal crash, Angelique “Angel” Griffin of Salem, pleaded not guilty to a charge of motor vehicle homicide while driving drunk. Renard was a passenger in the car.

An appearance here Saturday by family members handing out MADD ribbons and magnets saying “Drive Safe, Drive Sober” triggered a complaint to police from the owner of Crow Haven Corner, a witch shop where Griffin once worked.

It was the first public incident in what appears to be a simmering dispute between the victim’s family and some members of the witch community. Laurie Stathopoulos, the owner of Crow Haven Corner, said she called police after being told a representative of the group had been in her shop making disparaging comments.

Rubner said they handed out the materials on the street and entered several stores, including Crow Haven. She said she “went in that one by accident” and denies seeking a confrontation. However, Rubner alleges that a few members of Salem’s Wiccan community have attempted to intimidate the Renard family in court and on Facebook.

“Every time we go to court, we get stared down by Wiccans,” she said. “… We are a very strong Christian family, and we’re not intimidated.”

Several local witches have appeared in court in support of Griffin. Christian Day, a well-known Salem witch, said he has been away and has not been in court, but is helping pay for her legal defense.

In a charge and countercharge, Rubner (Victim’s Aunt) said Day (local witch) tried to intimidate their family on Facebook by saying he would “hex each and every person that would dare harm her (Griffin). … I call upon everything in the heavens and hells to both protect her and to strike down anyone who would capitalize on this tragedy for their own gain.”

That quote, which got wide circulation when it was printed by the online version of a British newspaper, was not aimed at Renard’s (victim) family, Day said. It was a response to an individual who had posted an online message threatening Griffin (accused), he said.

“It was not about the family,” he said. “It was never about the family. It was about the people that were exploiting this and that were threatening physical violence. … They made these threats against her, and I will not tolerate it.”

Day said he has also received threats. “They are doing this to me so I won’t stand up for (Griffin), so I won’t help her legally and with her problems.” Day stressed that he does not drink and is strongly against drunken driving but will let the courts decide Griffin’s guilt or innocence. He said he is only trying to stand beside a close family friend during a difficult time and ensure her the best possible legal defense.
“I’m not going to abandon someone in their hour of need,” he said.

Rubner said they are not targeting witch shops but are coming to Salem because Renard was raised here and the accident happened in Salem. They are coming, she said, “to promote something good in my nephew’s memory.” Members of MADD will be with them, Rubner said, at the next court appearance Aug. 17. The two Salem witches said this is a tragedy for both families.

“I have an 18-year-old son,” Stathopoulos said. “My heart goes out to them.”

The Salem News was not able to reach a spokesman for Mothers Against Drunk Driving.

Original Article By Tom Dalton who can be reached at

Post Secret XCIX

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Don Quijote 6

The cathedral priest points out how the authors of these fantastic imaginative books of knight errantry and chivalry don’t even attempt to follow their own plot lines or any accepted rules of writing; but instead purposely aim at creating pages of mass nonsense and confusion.

That’s exactly how I feel about this book!

Don Quijote 5

I just don’t understand how Don Quijote is ever going to get the help he needs if everyone keeps playing tricks on him? Dressing up, kidnapping him and throwing him in an ox cart… Yeah that’s exactly what the mentallly ill need.

Don Quijote 4

The wronged barber, secure in the knowledge that he is in the right, asks those assembled around him if they believe his basin to be a basin.  The barber from La Mancha, who wants to extend the fun, admits that he too is a barber, but has also been a soldier and as far as he is concerned it is a helmet.  The wronged barber is flabbergasted. He tells them that if the basin is a helmet, then the saddlebag must be a fancy harness.

Don Quijote, who only cares about his helmet, says he thinks it’s a saddlebag but he is not going to meddle. The priest insists that Don Quijote is the expert on these and all knightly matters and he must decide. They decide to take a vote:

“So you’ll simply have to resign yourself — you, and your ass, too — to the sad fact that this is indeed a decorative harness and not a saddlebag, and your case has been singularly badly argued and substantiated.”

So at this point the majority of the guests at the inn are acting just as insane as Don Quijote.

Pagan Humor LXXV

Why Did the Neo-Pagan Chicken Cross the Road?

Alexandrian/Gardnerian: To reveal this would be to break my oath of secrecy. I can say, though, that it really is an ancient rite, dating far back in time, back even before 1951, and I have learned it from an unbroken lineage. As Gerald said, it takes a chicken to make an egg.

Asatru: First, we don’t believe in a “One Chicken” or a “Hen and Rooster.” We believe in many chickens. Second, “crossing the road” is part of the three levels, or worlds, and the chicken simply crossed from one level to another. Hail to the Chickens!

British Traditional: The word “chicken” comes from a very specific Old English word (“gechekken”), and it only properly applies to certain fowl of East Anglia or those descended therefrom. As for the rest, I suppose they are doing something remotely similar to crossing the road, but you must remember that traditional roads are not to be confused with the modern roads….

Celtic: In County Feedbeygohn on Midsummer’s day, there is still practiced St. Henny’s Dance, which is a survival of the old pagan Chicken Crossing fertility rite. Today, modern pagans are reviving the practice, dedicated to the Hen and the Green Rooster.

Ceremonial: “Crossing the road” is a phrase that summarizes many magical structures erected and timed by the chicken to produce the energy necessary for the intention of the travel across the road. For example, the astrological correspondences had to be correct, the moon had to be waxing (if the chicken intended to come to the other side of the road) or waning (if the chicken intended to flee to the other side of the road), and the chicken had to prepare herself through fasting and proper incantations. Note certain forms of invocation (summoning an egg inside your chicken self) can produce abnormal or even dangerous eggs and should only be conducted inside a properly erected barnyard.

Dianic: The chykyn (“chicken” is term of patriarchal oppression) sought to reclaim for herself the right to be on the other side of the road, after it had been denied to her for centuries. By doing so, she reawakened the power of the Hen within herself.

Discordian: cock-a-doodle-doo!

Druid: To get to the sacred grove, of course! Keep in mind that 99% of everything written about chickens-crossing-the-road is pure hogwash, based on biased sources. Yes, there were a few unfortunate chicken sacrifices in the past, but that is over now…

Eclectic: Because it seemed right to her at the time. She used some Egyptian style corn and a Celtic sounding word for the road and incorporated some Native American elements into her Corn-name, Chicken-Who-Dances-and-Runs-with-the-Wolves.

Faery: In twilight times and under sparkling stars, those properly trained can still see the chickens crossing the roads. Reconnecting with these “fey-fowl” as they cross is crucial to restoring the balance between the energies of modern development and living with the earth.

Family Traditional: Growing up, we didn’t think much about “crossing the road.” A chicken was a chicken. It crossed the road because that was what worked to get her to the other side. We focused on what worked, and we worked more with the elders of the barnyard and less with all this “guardians of the chickencoop” business. We didn’t get our concepts of “chickens” or “the other side” from Gardner, either. You can choose not to believe us since we did not “scratch down” on paper what was clucked to us orally (which, at certain times in history, was the only way to avoid becoming Easter chicken soup!), but that doesn’t change the facts there were real chickens, and they really did cross the road!

Kitchen Witch: The chicken crossed the road to get food, to get a rooster or to get away from me after I decided to have chicken for supper!

New Age: The chicken crossed the road because she chose this as one her lessons to learn in this life. Besides, there was so much incense and bright, white corn to explore on the Other Side.

Newbie: well, ’cause I read in this really kewl book that said, like, chickens are supposed to cross the road, right?

Posting on an Online Discussion Group: What the hell do you mean ‘why did the chicken cross the road?’ ???!!!??? Haven’t you read any of the previous posts? We’ve been [expletive deleted] debating every word of that question, painstakingly trying to come to some kind of answer. I know you wrote ‘all i wanted to know was why chickens cross the road, im not looking for any chicken spells’ but I’m fed up with newbies who can’t even bother to REEEEEEEEAAADDD the posts on that very topic! No, this is not a flame. But, I and several others here have the maturity to properly explore and respond to this question, and we were properly trained; we didn’t just read a book and think we were full-fledged chickens.

Solitaire: The chicken didn’t want to be part of a coven or an oven.

Wiccan: The chicken crossed the road because she felt like she was finally “coming home.” She could do it alone or with others, but she had to call to the Guardians of the Watchtowers of the Barnyard first … uhm, after casting the circle.


Post Secret XCVIII

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