Pagan Humor XXXIII

Signs That You May Be A Military Pagan

Your magickal tools are all listed in Jane’s.

You use a flame-thrower to light the altar candles.

Your athame has a bayonet attachment to fit on your M-16.

Your robe is made of camouflage material.

Your cakes & wine come from MRE’s.

Your book of shadows contains plans on defusing bombs, poison antidotes and basic survival techniques.

Your circle is marked by barb-wire.

Your military command starts off Okay Witches. I want you to cast a circle of protection around us. We’re going in!

You have to ride an ATV or HumVee to get to the Covenstead.

You use an artillery shell casing for your God symbol.

You take down a tent to move the Covenstead.

Your familiar is either a Doberman, Rotweiller or German Shepherd.

You use a hubcap for a scrying dish.

You use teargas to smudge when doing banishings.

Your goddess symbol is Tank Girl.

First degree training includes Ninjitsu or other forms of martial arts.

Your magickal name is Spike, Slash, Ripcord, Hawkeye, Bubba, or anything that ends with ‘ster’.

You use machine gun fire to cast your circle.

Instead of using an acorn or pine cone, you use a hand grenade for a God symbol (if there isn’t an artillery shell available).

You use a compass for a divination tool.

You use a bullet on a string for a pendulum.

You call your High Priest “Commander”, and your High Priestess “General”.

Instead of “So mote it be”, you say “Ma’am! Yes, Ma’am!”

You post sentries at the four quarters.

The Guardian of the four Quarters are armed with Barrett M82A1.50 caliber machine guns.

A certain nameless ex-Congressman from Georgia attacked your religious rights.


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