Pagan Humor LXXV

Why Did the Neo-Pagan Chicken Cross the Road?

Alexandrian/Gardnerian: To reveal this would be to break my oath of secrecy. I can say, though, that it really is an ancient rite, dating far back in time, back even before 1951, and I have learned it from an unbroken lineage. As Gerald said, it takes a chicken to make an egg.

Asatru: First, we don’t believe in a “One Chicken” or a “Hen and Rooster.” We believe in many chickens. Second, “crossing the road” is part of the three levels, or worlds, and the chicken simply crossed from one level to another. Hail to the Chickens!

British Traditional: The word “chicken” comes from a very specific Old English word (“gechekken”), and it only properly applies to certain fowl of East Anglia or those descended therefrom. As for the rest, I suppose they are doing something remotely similar to crossing the road, but you must remember that traditional roads are not to be confused with the modern roads….

Celtic: In County Feedbeygohn on Midsummer’s day, there is still practiced St. Henny’s Dance, which is a survival of the old pagan Chicken Crossing fertility rite. Today, modern pagans are reviving the practice, dedicated to the Hen and the Green Rooster.

Ceremonial: “Crossing the road” is a phrase that summarizes many magical structures erected and timed by the chicken to produce the energy necessary for the intention of the travel across the road. For example, the astrological correspondences had to be correct, the moon had to be waxing (if the chicken intended to come to the other side of the road) or waning (if the chicken intended to flee to the other side of the road), and the chicken had to prepare herself through fasting and proper incantations. Note certain forms of invocation (summoning an egg inside your chicken self) can produce abnormal or even dangerous eggs and should only be conducted inside a properly erected barnyard.

Dianic: The chykyn (“chicken” is term of patriarchal oppression) sought to reclaim for herself the right to be on the other side of the road, after it had been denied to her for centuries. By doing so, she reawakened the power of the Hen within herself.

Discordian: cock-a-doodle-doo!

Druid: To get to the sacred grove, of course! Keep in mind that 99% of everything written about chickens-crossing-the-road is pure hogwash, based on biased sources. Yes, there were a few unfortunate chicken sacrifices in the past, but that is over now…

Eclectic: Because it seemed right to her at the time. She used some Egyptian style corn and a Celtic sounding word for the road and incorporated some Native American elements into her Corn-name, Chicken-Who-Dances-and-Runs-with-the-Wolves.

Faery: In twilight times and under sparkling stars, those properly trained can still see the chickens crossing the roads. Reconnecting with these “fey-fowl” as they cross is crucial to restoring the balance between the energies of modern development and living with the earth.

Family Traditional: Growing up, we didn’t think much about “crossing the road.” A chicken was a chicken. It crossed the road because that was what worked to get her to the other side. We focused on what worked, and we worked more with the elders of the barnyard and less with all this “guardians of the chickencoop” business. We didn’t get our concepts of “chickens” or “the other side” from Gardner, either. You can choose not to believe us since we did not “scratch down” on paper what was clucked to us orally (which, at certain times in history, was the only way to avoid becoming Easter chicken soup!), but that doesn’t change the facts there were real chickens, and they really did cross the road!

Kitchen Witch: The chicken crossed the road to get food, to get a rooster or to get away from me after I decided to have chicken for supper!

New Age: The chicken crossed the road because she chose this as one her lessons to learn in this life. Besides, there was so much incense and bright, white corn to explore on the Other Side.

Newbie: well, ’cause I read in this really kewl book that said, like, chickens are supposed to cross the road, right?

Posting on an Online Discussion Group: What the hell do you mean ‘why did the chicken cross the road?’ ???!!!??? Haven’t you read any of the previous posts? We’ve been [expletive deleted] debating every word of that question, painstakingly trying to come to some kind of answer. I know you wrote ‘all i wanted to know was why chickens cross the road, im not looking for any chicken spells’ but I’m fed up with newbies who can’t even bother to REEEEEEEEAAADDD the posts on that very topic! No, this is not a flame. But, I and several others here have the maturity to properly explore and respond to this question, and we were properly trained; we didn’t just read a book and think we were full-fledged chickens.

Solitaire: The chicken didn’t want to be part of a coven or an oven.

Wiccan: The chicken crossed the road because she felt like she was finally “coming home.” She could do it alone or with others, but she had to call to the Guardians of the Watchtowers of the Barnyard first … uhm, after casting the circle.

 

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