Archive for May 20, 2012

Post Secret XC

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http://www.postsecret.com/

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Post Secret LXXXIX

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—–Email—–
My husband was only supposed be a rebound.

—–Email—–
This postcard crosses the line of child porn. I’m a big fan of
your site but I think this one needs to come down ASAP.

—–Email—–
People need to understand that breasts are only a part of the
body, a picture of them is not porn. This is such a silly taboo…

—–Email—-

FYI no one said these were a 17 year old`s breasts. Also 16 in the age of consent in A LOT of places.

For more post secret: Postsecret.com

Gone With The Wind 9

News arrives that Scarlett’s father has died and she heads to Tara with a heavy heart. Upon arriving at Tara Will Benteen tells Scarlett that her sister Suellen, tried to trick Gerald into taking the oath of loyalty to the Union. This is because men who swear loyalty to the Union receive compensation for property lost during the war. Apparently Suellen got her father drunk and got him to agree to sign anything. But he realized what was about to happen and ripped up the oath. Then got on his horse and rode away. His horse threw him when he tried to jump a fence and killed him. Finally Will shocks Scarlett by telling her that he plans to marry Suellen so that he can stay at Tara forever.

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After her fathers funeral Scarlett offers Ashley a half-interest in her mill, so he will not move to New York. He refuses at first but when his wife (Melanie) hears the offer she convinces him to move to Atlanta and not the hostile North. However, it seems he’s not very good at his managing of the company and Scarlett hires convicts as labour at the mill. An Irishman (Johnnie) is much better at managing the workers then Ashley.

It is later discovered that Johnie isstarving and whipping the convict workers. Remembering that he has doubled the mill’s productivity, Scarlett let’s this continue rather then allow Johnnie to quit. Later that same night Scarlett is attacted by a white man and his “black” capaingen. Frank and Ashley avenge her, because it turns out they are KKK members. Rhett arrives at Melanie’s house (where Frank dropped Scarlet while he and Ashley went to a “political meeting”) and asks Melanie where Ashley and Frank have gone, saying that it is a matter of life and death. Melanie tells him and Rhett goes after them.

A Yankee regiment bursts in and demands to know where Rhett, Ashley & Frank are. Finally the men show up and appear to be very drunk. Rhett tells the Yankees that the men were at Belle Watling’s house all night. Thankfully the Yankee Captain is a friend of Rhett’s, so he leaves them alone.

At this point Rhett sends Archie (an other KKK member) to burn their Klan robes and dispose of two unspecified bodies (the two men who attacked Scarlett?). It is now evident that the men are not drunk but only acting. Ashley is wounded, and in her concern for Ashley, Scarlett doesn’t notice Frank’s absence. Rhett finally informs her that Frank has been shot in the head.

The next day, Belle, Ashley, and Rhett are to testify about the events, but their convincing alibi clears them of all charges.

Adult LFMF

The following Learn From My Fails are ADULT IN NATURE. Viewer discretion is advised, only read the following text if you are over the age of maturity in your State/Province.

  • If your throat is dry, do not walk into a room that happens to be full of men and ask if anyone has anything you can suck on. You should also not try to back peddle out of it with, “I meant something hard.” #LFMF
  • Good Idea: Having a drink at the end of a productive and busy day—Bad Idea: Opening the second drink when your tummy feels a little off—Really Bad Idea: Finishing the second drink when you have been up and down all night going to the loo Horrid Idea: going to bed and trusting that its just going to be a little fart.—Worst Idea Ever: sleeping naked Worlds worst part: Your (now ex) boyfriend sleeping over #LFMF
  • When googling ‘Why does the tip of my penis burns after masturbating’ make sure the tab you opened is Google and NOT Facebook. You may accidentally post it on your wall. #LFMF
  • Whistling the song you have in your head isn’t a big deal. Whistling ”I just had sex” by Lonely Island as you exit the sauna is akward, especially in a all-male sauna. #LFMF
  • If you decide it’s a good idea to hook up with someone on a party bus while the other 30 people are in a bar, make sure the lights are off in the bus or the bartender WILL call everyone over to watch you from the bar. This goes double if you’re a straight dude and said hook-up buddy is also a dude. #LFMF
  • Bad Idea- Going camping for 3 days while on your period.—Really bad Idea- Bringing only one pair of pajama pants.—Terrible idea- Bringing only one pair of WHITE pajama pants.
  • When trying to seduce your GF while showering Do Not put tooth paste on your lower brain and ask her if she wants to brush her teeth. The tooth paste will burn, you will start shrieking like a little girl. She will laugh and proceed tell everyone you know and you will never live it down.
  • The reason your mom keeps borrowing your phone: you downloaded the sex-position-of-the-day-app. Don’t ask her why. Not if you value your sanity. Or ever want to eat at the table again. #LFMF
  • When things start getting frisky with your gf/wife, remeber that you were making salsa earlier in the day. Pepper juice does not wash off. Using your hands to “warm things up” will not have the desired effect. She will cry. You will get nothing.
  • When your parents come over to babysit, make sure you don’t leave the lube you just bought on the kitchen table. You may come home to find that it has now been open, there is some missing, and you wont be able to look your parents in the eyes again. #LFMF
  • When at a party, don’t sneak into the baby (who isn’t there)’s room to have sex with your girlfriend. The baby monitor will be on, and EVERYBODY downstairs will hear the weird noises you make. #LFMF
  • If you’re greeting your (lesbian) roommate that just came back from a date, do NOT ask her if they “ate out”. #LFMF
  • Good friend action #1: Taking your virgin/desperate friend to the strip club across the state line Good Friend action #2: Telling the girls working there that it’s his birthday.—Not very smart action: Sneaking him in because he’s in actually 17 and thinking he can control his bodily functions. An awkward hour-long drive home with him hopelessly embarrassed with the stench of semen filling the truck cab will ensue.

Life Is A Bank Account

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.  As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

“I love it!”  he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

“Mr. Jones, you haven’t seen the room; just wait.”

“That doesn’t have anything to do with it.” he replied. “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged .. it’s how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away. Just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you’ve put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory Bank. I am still depositing.”

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.

2. Free your mind from worries.

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less.

Have a nice day, unless you already have other plans.