Archive for March 5, 2012


I have loved my best friend since we met but he never felt the same way, after
over three years he wised up and kissed me, we have been happily dating since
March, he MML!

Yelling “Undo! Undo!” at the flaming skillet is no substitute for calmly covering it
and removing it from the range element. #LFMF

My aunt adopted a little girl today. The news made me so happy I started
crying! She’s always wanted to raise a child. The news made me happier than
almost anything could have. IMMD

When looking into a new place to live, always do a thorough Google search of
the community you’re thinking of moving in to. It won’t be so fun when someone
sets fire to the plastic playground outside your building 3 months later. If this
does happen, MOVE! Chances are there will be a meth lab fire a couple
months later and you’ll find that there is a long, strange history of fires you didn’t
even know about going back a few years. #LFMF

My fraternity brothers and I decided to go onto campus to play a game of
football. There was a little kid there and he asked if he could join in. Although
we were uneven we decided to let him play. We let him score 4 touchdowns
and made it so his team would win. Turns out, he was a foster kid and his foster
mum said she only had one month left with him. So we just made his foster time
and it made us TKE boys day too.

If you have a tendency to say “flavor” instead of scent, fix it. You will get strange
looks when you compare various “flavors” of deodorant. #LFMF

I was feeling down about some stupid ex of mine, and one day I was logging on
to my yahoo email and an advert came up for durex condoms reading: playtime
for adults, and my gran looked over my shoulder, not understanding the concept
and asked me: what about playtime for pensioners? IMMD!

When one of your cats is batting something around under your chair, look at
what it is before picking it up. It will be a mouse head. #LFMF

The Thespian troupe at my school cleans up after every home football game.
Needless to say, this can be gross, but after homecoming (the worst) a little girl
came out of nowhere and helped me pick up pistachio shells. Someone asked
me if she was my sister…I didn’t think of the perfect response until afterwards,
but here it is: “No, but I’d be proud of her if she was.” Her generosity made my

When buying a pair of pink, fuzzy (fake) handcuffs and a zucchini for a friend as
a prank gift, remember to take them out of your back pack before going through
French customs, especially two days after a bombing in London. They will not
speak English, they won’t understand your humor, and you will go to jail.