Pagan Humor XLV

Mom: What are they advertising here? A movie or a birth control?

Me: It’s for the new Twilight movie…


(Mom in the kitchen talking to our 14 yr old cat)

Mom: Quit telling me you’re hungry. Why didn’t you eat that gopher you caught? (Cat meows and rolls over.)

Mom: I said “gopher”, you old coot! Not “roll over”, is it time to get you a hearing aid?


Me after realizing we’re having a baby girl: Hey hon you know what I realized? I now have a reason to buy My Little Pony on DVD without the clerk thinking I’m a weirdo! Hell yes!


Mom: That house has a huge cement wall!               Me: Zombie proof.

Mom: He has holes in it…                                                       Me: Gun holes.

Mom: I think they’re called siege holes.

Me: That kind of sounds dirty…

Mom: Get your gun out of my siege hole!


(Doing a survey for gay people’s rights)

Me: Mom, why do you support gay marriage?

Mom: Because Dumbledore!


Dad: When I was in highschool, all the kids from the Catholic and public schools would get together and fight.

Me: And you were right in the middle of it, weren’t you, Dad?

Dad: No, I didn’t get involved in that kind of stuff. I always thought we should have been fighting the teachers. They were the real idiots.

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