Archive for October 10, 2011

Pagan Humor XLV

Mom: What are they advertising here? A movie or a birth control?

Me: It’s for the new Twilight movie…


(Mom in the kitchen talking to our 14 yr old cat)

Mom: Quit telling me you’re hungry. Why didn’t you eat that gopher you caught? (Cat meows and rolls over.)

Mom: I said “gopher”, you old coot! Not “roll over”, is it time to get you a hearing aid?


Me after realizing we’re having a baby girl: Hey hon you know what I realized? I now have a reason to buy My Little Pony on DVD without the clerk thinking I’m a weirdo! Hell yes!


Mom: That house has a huge cement wall!               Me: Zombie proof.

Mom: He has holes in it…                                                       Me: Gun holes.

Mom: I think they’re called siege holes.

Me: That kind of sounds dirty…

Mom: Get your gun out of my siege hole!


(Doing a survey for gay people’s rights)

Me: Mom, why do you support gay marriage?

Mom: Because Dumbledore!


Dad: When I was in highschool, all the kids from the Catholic and public schools would get together and fight.

Me: And you were right in the middle of it, weren’t you, Dad?

Dad: No, I didn’t get involved in that kind of stuff. I always thought we should have been fighting the teachers. They were the real idiots.

Post Secret LIV

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I’m currently serving in Afghanistan and the one thing that keeps the thought of death away, is knowing I need to get home to my wife.

—–Email To I hate being a mother—–
1. You’re not alone.

2. Dear Postpartum poster; not everyone who hates being a parent is postpartum, some of us just really don’t like being a parent. Not everyone is ready for it when it happens to them.

—–Email to only the beautiful find love—–
1. Me too. I think it is because I watch too much The Bachelor.

2. Beautiful and thin women end up attracting the wrong people who waste their time and break their hearts. True love seems much further away.

—–Email to angry birds—–
I always pretend that my boss is a Disney Villan.

—–Reply to Atheist—

I haven’t come out of the Broom Closet to most of my family because I don’t want to lose out on the Holiday togetherness. What they don’t know, is I celebrate Yule and not Christmas.
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