Archive for June 13, 2011

IMMD & LFMF XXXV

  • I had a huuuge crush on a guy in high school but was too shy to tell him how i felt. Now 6 years later he randomly added me on Facebook and we started talking, which turned into flirting. Last night i finally got the guts to tell him how i felt in school, he replied that he had felt the same way but was afraid to tell me. It totally MMD
  • If your car’s tires can’t handle the ice without slipping and sliding, your sneakers probably can’t either. #LFMF
  • Last Friday, after 5 years of trying, my wife had a positive pregnancy test. I decided then that I need to quit smoking. Today I got a “quit smoking” collectible from this site. Your site MMD.
  • When just waking up from having a nice long sleep, don’t roll over and hug your pillow as tight as you can. It won’t be your pillow. It will be your cat and she will not be pleased by the sudden affection. #LFMF
  • After having a particularly bad morning, I was walking to class through a parking lot at school. I thought to myself “why does this have to be so hard?”. Right then I glanced over at the car I was passing, and a sticker on the back bumper said “That’s what she said”. I couldn’t stop laughing, and IMMD.
  • If you’re home alone for the afternoon and decide to “relieve some tension” don’t do it when you’ve been up for 35 hours. You will fall asleep, and be insanely embarrassed when your mom comes home from work and asks you what was vibrating under your hips. She will also not believe that it was your cell phone. #LFMF
  • Tonight I was in my bathroom getting ready for bed when I noticed a fly buzzing around the room. Grabbing a towel, I attempted to remove the nuisance. When multiple attempts failed, I took one last lazy backhanded swat at it. I hit the fly, causing it to bounce off the wall behind me and landing in the trash can. Dead. I have never been so proud! MMD
  • No, it wasn’t an earthquake or Armageddon. It was just all the snow falling off the metal roof on the house. You’ve had this happen for the past 4 years, so why are you scared %$^&less now? #LFMF
  • Today, one of my co-workers quit without notice, so I had to stay a couple extra hours, by myself. I was feeling miffed and tired, but an hour after I would’ve gotten off, two Green Bay fans, wearing cheese hats, jerseys, and nothing else, came streaking through the store. The complete absurdity of it just totally MMD, and made the extra hours worth it.
  • Never ask your friend who has just lost one of his testicles to cancer, “Aren’t you freezing your bollocks off?” He may laugh but you will feel like an ass #LFMF

Moygo