Archive for April 18, 2011

IMMD & LFMF XXXI

A while ago friends of my parents visited with their two sons Johannes and Lukas. Turned out that their mom, who totally dislikes science fiction and stuff like that, calls them Han and Luke. The look on her face, when she asked what was so funny about those nicknames totally MMD

Boys, remember when you must go use the bathroom late at night, turn on the lights first. Your sister that’s asleep on the toilet will not appreciate the fact that warm yellow liquid is all over her and her brand new PJs. #LFMF

Yesterday my hubby was having trouble getting our cat off our laptop computer, not wanting to “disturb” her by picking her up. Usually she’ll come when you call her, but this time she was completely ignoring him… Until he told her he’d buy her a cheeseburger if she moved off the computer. Then she hopped right off! Best part: when my hubby came in from work today, he had brought a cheeseburger for her, as promised. IMMD!

If it is cold enough outside that you can see your breath, people can also see your farts. #LFMF

Last night my cat walked all over my keyboard while I was typing. She somehow hit “Ctrl F” then “mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm”. I think she was looking for food. IMMD

Do not use your heating pad while you are sleepy, even if it’s on the lowest setting. You will fall asleep and wake up with second degree burns on your hip that leave a dime size scar. #LFMF

I have ALL leukemia and just started losing my hair. My little brother came home from school on friday with all of his friends. They had all shaved their heads. It made me cry, but at the same time IMMD.

When serving beets to your significant other for the first time you may want to explain to him that they dye EVERYTHING red. If you don’t, he will freak out and think he is dying after a trip to the bathroom the next day. #LFMF

This morning I saw a lady with a blanket in our parking lot so I went to investigate. She had just successfully captured a raccoon who had been hit by a car, and was taking it to a vet. People who are kind to wildlife definitely inspire me and IMMD!

If you’re going to spend New Year’s with people who regularly get up at 5 AM; don’t do it at thier house. They will crap out on you at 9 PM and you’ll be toasting in the New Year alone while they snooze on the couch. #LFMF

I sent my 5 year old niece flowers one day last summer because she is a middle child, like me, and I could tell that she needed something special just for her. For Christmas this year, she made me my very own, very secret membership card to the “Middle Girls Club” with a dried flower petal taped to the back. I will keep it forever and it will always MMD!

If you see an attractive girl in a yellow dress it may not be a good idea to approach her by saying: “Pikachu! I choose you!” She may slap you. #LFMF

Today at work at a fast food restaurant I saw a father take a bite of his young daughter’s burger when she wasn’t looking. When she asked him where the rest of her burger was, he looked around, and said in a low voice “the hamburglar strikes again” IMMD

If your wife was complaining about standing on one of your young son’s lego blocks, do not tell her to ‘man up’. She will put lego blocks beside your bed that night and it will hurt in the morning. #LFMF

Today, I found a copy of a book that had been stolen from me when I was a kid in a secondhand bookshop. I opened it and saw, on the first page, in familiar scrawl, my own name. It had been a gift from my now- late Grandfather, and finding it MMD

If you need some moisturiser for a rash on your face, do not pick a random lotion from your wife’s endless collection without consulting her. You will pick the only lotion that includes selftanner and she will laugh at you. So will your colleagues. #LFMF

My husband likes to sneak up and scare me while I’m in the shower. Today I did it to him and he squealed and slapped the glass door like a sissy! My revenge totally MMD!

Mom: I love you with all my butt. I would say heart, but my butt is bigger.

Me and my boyfriend were standing in the kitchen waiting for the pizza to come out of the oven, he leaned down in front of the stove and said “COOOOOK”
he then turned to my 7 month pregnant belly and said it again, we both cracked up laughing and IMMD

Mom: All though mom doesn’t stand for Made of Money, or My own maid. Dad does stand for dumb as dirt.

Moygo