• I was at the post office mailing a gift package to a friend in Canada; the box was covered in Hello Kitty stickers for her. The postal employee went out of his way to put the claim sticker on the box so it didn’t cover any of the Hello Kitty ones. IMMD!
  • To slam a door is a good way to express your anger. To slam a revolving door, however, is not #LFMF
  • When my son was four, he used to love watching Bill Nye, the Science Guy. One day when I got home from work, he ran down the hall at me and yelled, "Look at me, Daddy! I have momentum!!" IMMD
  • When energetically using a toilet brush
    inside the bowl, remember to keep your mouth shut. #LFMF

  • I was returning my rental car when the man behind the counter got a phone call. He did what one would expect – identified himself and stated the name of the rental company. But the actual words out of his mouth were "Enterprise, this is Jim," and as a Star Trek nerd it TOTALLY made my day.
  • When informed of the waiting period on
    guns at walmart; it is NOT infact witty to reply asking where the
    chainsaws are. Police will be notified. #LFMF

  • My ultra-Christian sister is teaching her son "Just a Closer Walk With Thee". He keeps singing it "You are weak but I am strong." He told me he’s doing it specifically to wind her up. The kid’s 6. IMMD

Parents Say The Darnedest Things:

  • “Can you come look at the computer? Something happened when I was using that… that Mozzarella Foxfire. I don’t know.”
  • Me: “How did you manage figuring out how to join Matt’s event on Facebook?”
    Dad: “I don’t know how I responded because I tried and could not figure it out. I clicked on party’s and before I could get out of there I think I signed up for a kegger party, some gay guys dog baptism, and some fat chick with a full beard is coming to pick me up at 9:30 tomorrow night on a moped. I am never going on facebook again.”
  • Mom: "When the angel told Mary ‘you shall call him Emanuel,’ what if
    Mary had said, ‘but I wanna name him Sparky!’"
  • Dad: I used to be in the lollipop guild…but I got kicked out
    Sister: Why?
    Dad: For gum-chewing.

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