Archive for July 5, 2010

Pagan Humor XI

You know your Coven’s getting older when…

    * The ritual feast is puréed.
    * Last Beltane the coven decided it would be nice to go out to dinner to celebrate.
    * The last time you tried to do a spiral dance your oxygen feeds got tangled
    * Viagra is kept in the coven supplies
    * The maiden of the coven is a grandmother
    * The ritual room is outfitted with defibrillators
    * The coveners drive their RV’s to Scottsdale for the Autumnal equinox
    * When you are at a festival you go to bed at sunset
    * It takes the whole coven to move the cauldron
    * The high priest still has a vendetta going against Richard Nixon
    * You find yourself using your pendulum over the stock pages in the newspaper
    * You tell an initiate that in your day you had to slog through five feet of snow uphill both ways when you did a Yule ritual
    * You drop your teeth in the ritual cup
    * At Samhain you see more of your coveners in the Wild Hunt than you do in circle.
    * You put your athame in the chalice during ritual but you can’t remember why.
    * You hold an all night blow-out drum frenzy and none of your neighbors noticed.
    * You use Glenn Miller records for trance music.
    * All of your ritual robes are tie-dyed
    * Your coven has a 401(k) retirement plan.
    * A nitro pill vial replaces the crystal on your pendant.
    * No one’s successfully jumped the Beltaine fire since 1983.
    * When the coven sings, "Creak and groan, creak and groan . . ."
    * When you set comfy chairs around the circle.
    * When you sit on the floor and can’t get up again.
    * You do anointing with Aspercreme.
    * The oak tree your coven planted died of old age.
    * You use Bran Muffins and Prune Juice for Cakes & Ale because you need the extra fiber.
    * You don’t use salt to consecrate you altar because you need to stay away from extra sodium.
    * You use a walker during the Wild Hunt
    * You prefer to rent a Hall for rituals because the bathrooms are closer.
    *You need a flashlight to find the candles.

I will not comment on how many (or which ones) pertain to me and my fellow coven members. Let’s just say there are several, lol.